The Silent Struggle: Fathers Facing Stress, Depression, and Loneliness During the Holiday Season

By Kenneth Braswell, CEO, Fathers Incorporated

The holiday season is depicted as a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. Yet, this time of year can bring stress, depression, and profound feelings of isolation for many fathers — especially when they are separated from their children. For some, this separation stems from the heartbreak of parental alienation, while for others, it’s simply “the schedule.” Regardless of the reason, children’s absence during the holidays can be profoundly challenging for fathers, and it often goes unnoticed by society.

Navigating the Reality of Holiday Separation

In many cases, parenting schedules and custody arrangements naturally mean children spend certain holidays with one parent and other holidays with the other. While these agreements may be fair and balanced, the emotional weight of being without your children during a season built around family can still be heavy. Loneliness often creeps in during quiet moments as fathers yearn for the laughter and presence of their children.

For others, the pain is amplified by parental alienation — a situation where one parent deliberately distances the children from the other parent, often creating barriers to meaningful relationships. Alienated fathers may feel not only isolated from their children but also powerless in the face of circumstances beyond their control.

The Mental Health Toll on Fathers

The emotional strain of being without one’s children during the holidays is profound, regardless of the underlying cause. Research consistently shows that men are less likely than women to seek help for mental health issues, often due to societal pressures to appear stoic or invulnerable. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention reports that men die by suicide at rates nearly four times higher than women, with middle-aged men being particularly vulnerable. The added stress and isolation of the holidays can exacerbate depression and anxiety, creating a dangerous emotional environment.

A study in the Journal of Men’s Health highlights that divorced or separated fathers are at increased risk for mental health challenges. These struggles are compounded during the holidays when societal expectations of family togetherness clash with the reality of their circumstances. Fathers may internalize feelings of inadequacy or guilt, further deepening their emotional pain.

Impact on Families and Children

The absence of fathers during the holidays doesn’t only affect fathers: It reverberates throughout the family. Children who spend holidays apart from one parent may struggle with guilt or confusion. They may miss the presence of their father, even as they navigate new traditions with their other parent. Extended family members — grandparents, aunts, uncles, and others — may also feel the loss of connection that comes with holiday separations.

The long-term effects of these emotional rifts can be significant. Studies show that children benefit from healthy relationships with both parents, and the absence of one can affect their emotional development and sense of stability.

Recognizing the Signs of Struggle

It’s important to acknowledge that fathers often suffer in silence, particularly during the holiday season. Knowing the signs of stress and depression can make a significant difference. For example, fathers who are experiencing distress may 

• Withdraw from social interactions or activities
• Feel hopelessness or despair
• Experience noticeable changes in appetite, sleep, or energy 
• Rely more on alcohol or other substances
• Make statements about being a burden or feeling trapped

How Supporters Can Help

Supporters can play a vital role in helping fathers navigate difficult times in several key ways:

1. Be present and listen by initiating open, nonjudgmental conversations about feelings can provide much-needed relief.
2. Invite inclusion by extending invitations to holiday gatherings or creating opportunities to connect in meaningful ways.
3. Encourage professional support by suggesting counseling or support groups for men and fathers.
4. Advocate for fair custody practices by supporting initiatives that promote balanced and equitable custody arrangements.

Practical Strategies for Fathers

Fathers who are separated from their children during the holidays — whether due to alienation or scheduling — can take proactive steps to safeguard their emotional well-being:

1. Build new traditions: Foster a sense of fulfillment by creating personal holiday rituals, such as volunteering or spending time with friends.
2. Connect with support groups: Joining a community of fathers facing similar challenges can reduce feelings of isolation and provide helpful coping strategies.
3. Prioritize mental and physical health: Engage in exercise, mindfulness practices, or activities that bring joy and relaxation.
4. Maintain contact with children: When possible, schedule calls, video chats, or other ways to connect with your children during the holidays. Even a small interaction can lift spirits.
5. Plan for the future: Focus on building a memorable experience with your children when you next see them, shifting the emphasis from what is missed to what lies ahead.

Raising Awareness: Why This Matters

The issue of fathers’ mental health and emotional well-being during the holidays deserves greater societal attention. The persistent narrative that fathers are less emotionally affected by separation or loneliness is outdated and harmful. We must shift our perspective to acknowledge the very real struggles fathers face, particularly during emotionally charged times of the year.

By raising awareness and creating spaces for fathers to share their experiences, we can begin to dismantle the stigma around men’s mental health. This includes promoting fairness in custody arrangements, offering resources for emotional support, and fostering a culture of compassion and understanding.

For all its joy and celebration, the holiday season can be a lonely and challenging time for fathers separated from their children. Whether due to scheduling or the heartbreak of parental alienation, these fathers often navigate their pain in silence. By recognizing the reality of their struggles and taking steps to support them, we can bring light to a complex subject and promote healing for fathers, children, and families alike.

This holiday season, let us remember that the spirit of togetherness includes extending compassion to those who may feel alone. For fathers facing this silent struggle, know you are not alone, and support is always within reach.

Resources for Fathers and Supporters

• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988
• Fathers Incorporated: www.fathersincorporated.com
• Parental Alienation Support Network: www.pasn.org
• Therapy for Black Men: www.therapyforblackmen.org